We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
