I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
