Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize