i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
