Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
