I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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