He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
