I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
