Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize