My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
