I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
