i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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