She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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