Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize