Pappa wants mamma naked
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
