I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
