we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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