I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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