Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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