birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
