Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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