We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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