what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
