I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
