So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
