Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
