I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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