yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
