FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
