Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
