if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
