i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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