do herpes really smell.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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