Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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