Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
