I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
