What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize