I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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