Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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