I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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