How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
