I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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