I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
