...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's blow job season.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
