here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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