It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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