i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize