1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
