bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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