i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
