Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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