somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
