dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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