My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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