i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
