You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
