i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
