A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
