I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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