i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
