did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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