it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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