I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
