Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
