I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
