Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
