I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
