yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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