Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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