there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
