He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
