u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They have beer where we have blood.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize