i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
