Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
even my farts smell like vagina
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
