I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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