We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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