Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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