if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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