she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
