Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
