Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
