sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
