I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
