I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
