If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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