At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
