I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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