There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
