WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
