he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I love having hate sex.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
