I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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