Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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