I wish I could teleport
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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