I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
