Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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