It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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