I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
