is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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