somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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