I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
