What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
