She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
