He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
